Aah, it feels so good to get back to writing again. I used to write a lot in a journal. That dropped off a few years ago. I wrote a blog during my trips to India, I think it's still online. You can take a look http://gypseangie.blogspot.ca/
I've started a fruit and vegetable cleanse. I used to fast and cleanse regularly when I was younger and a lot more extreme about things. Now I tend to be a lot more moderate, about everything. I guess that is one of the joys of maturation.
I am just doing one day cleanse, for now, to see how it feels. I used to do ten day cleanses/fasts or more. I found my body liked it to a point, and then there was one day it just said no, no more. It has been a long time since I have applied this form of discipline, so for today, I am experimenting with just fruits and veggies. I've never struggled with my weight but since I turned forty I noticed that the extra 5 winter pounds doesn't drop off in the spring quite so easily by just riding my bike for a week and eating berries. I have to work at it. I don't know if it is hormones, or what the story is, but the experiments have begun. :) Everything is changing, as everything tends to do, and it is making me look to tweaking my self care routine.
Let's be honest, I've never been a big "routine" kind of person. What starts out as good intentions, I quickly get bored with. For something to be sustainable for me, it has to have a certain amount of freedom built into it, a little bit of leeway. But I do like a good self experiment. I like to try things and observe their effects on my health, wellbeing, and outlook etc. It's also a form of "tapas" which is a principle in yoga of purposefully applying discipline or testing one's will power, in order to grow one's will. Tapas can be translated to "heat" or fire. It is the heat we apply to transform and change, same as coal is turned into diamonds under the pressure and heat of the earth. It is good, from time to time, to make rules for ourselves and then follow them, in order to build the strength of our will and word.
The funny thing is about carrying the extra pounds I have been lately, is that I actually feel healthier, better than I have in many years. Pains I used to have, shoulder, knee, don't exist anymore. The L5 S1 disc injury in my back ten years ago has been slowly healing bit by bit, getting better and better as time goes by, totally contrary to what the doctors told me. It has healed so nicely, in fact, I barely notice it ever. So I have to say I am feeling really great, despite the extra weight. I used to wake up in the morning depressed some days, now I never have that feeling, I might feel tired after busy days, but not depressed (depression sucks, as you know). I feel strong, I feel happy.
In ayurveda, they say that as we get older, we lose our "ojas" and move more into a "vata" stage of life. The "ojas" is the unctuousness of our bodies, its the lubrication (synovial and spinal fluid) in our joints, its the fullness to our lips and the lustriousness to our hair. "Vata" is the disposition of being dry, airy, cold, and can apply to the seasons (like fall), or to foods (like crackers), to people (like people who are very airy, flighty, sometimes can seem scattered, but when they are grounded and balanced can be very high minded, spiritual and inspirational), and also to the later stages of life, the one I am moving into right now. So essentially, we dry out. Lol. Due to this, it is sometimes believed that it is good to have a little extra meat on your bones, a little extra fat. Ayurveda believes in balance. When my Indian family sees me on Skype, they comment "oh, you look good and healthy". Too funny.
So, so far it's going good. I ate my neighbour's plums for breakfast, and had a feast of fresh squash from the garden (thank you Margaret P!) with a salad full of garden veggies too (thank you Harvey!) and I'm feeling good. Light, full and satisfied. It if it goes well and my body asks for more I might continue on into tomorrow. Such an abundant time of year.
Life is full of oxymorons. I weigh more, but I feel the healthiest I've felt in years. I love my body and all the amazing functions it performs for me everyday, it's a miracle of engineering. I am happy with myself and I am still going to experiment with ways to feel even happier and healthier. There is always more to learn, always more ways to grow. :)